I miss vodka workout Fridays
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
