I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
