You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
