So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
