I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
