I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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