Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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