i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
