Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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