Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
