If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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