He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Randomize
