Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
