omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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