I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
