The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
