Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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