The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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