If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
