I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I touched a dick in church today
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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