if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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