if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
