my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
