His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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