You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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