i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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