It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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