Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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