Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
