Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
