I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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