I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
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