I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
