watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
