Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
she told me i tasted like america
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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