lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
