i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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