Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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