Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
