i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
