This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I wish there were birth control emojis
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
