ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
