guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
