Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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