things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
