mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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