So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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