An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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