Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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