so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
don't judge my taste in strippers
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
