so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
