Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I am one with the molecules
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
